


The Truth about Cats and Dogs

by bboiseux



Series: Critical Role Campaign 2 [22]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Just a little talk about cats and dogs, c2e024, you know?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 22:22:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15082973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bboiseux/pseuds/bboiseux
Summary: “Which do you like more, Beau?” asked Jester, “Dogs or cats?”  The rest of the Mighty Nein joins in.  Just a little conversation about cats and dogs, you know?From the Prompt:The m9 and an argument on what pet is better; a cat or a dogReading Time:abt 3 mins.





	The Truth about Cats and Dogs

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TwinVax](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwinVax/gifts).



“Which do you like more, Beau?” asked Jester, “Dogs or cats?”

The Mighty Nein were ending a long day of traveling, a roaring campfire holding back the evening cold snap.

Beau shrugged.  “Eh, I guess dogs?  They’re dumb as rocks, but cats are shifty little shits.”

Kiri clutched Frumpkin tight to her feathered chest.  “Go fuck yourself,” came Jester’s voice.

“Listen, kid,” said Beau, “You’re a bird. First time you run into a big cat, you’ll learn just how fucking nice cats are.”

“Beau!”  Nott slapped her hands over Kiri’s ears.  “You leave Kiri alone.”

“Eh, whatever.”

“Dogs aren’t even that dumb.” Fjord warmed his hands by the campfire.  “They’re actually some of the smartest animals out there.”

“Some of them are pretty fucking dumb, Fjord.”

“And some of them are pretty fucking smart, Beau.  Give me a loyal dog by my side any day.  Cats?”  He gave Frumpkin a long side-eye.  “Can’t trust them.”

“Leave Frumpkin alone,” said Nott.  “He’s a good cat.  Right, Caleb?”

“ _Ja_ , he is a good cat.”  He paused.  “But dogs can be good too.  It depends on the animal.  It’s temperament.  Environment.”

“I don’t know, Caleb.  Most dogs are mean.  They bark and chase you and try to bite you.”  Nott shrank into herself, her mind drifting to memories.

Yasha nodded.  “Dogs—dogs can be, uh, loyal.  But that loyalty—it, um, it depends on the person they serve.  Too many dogs are in service to bad people.”  She reached over and gave Frumpkin a long stroke down his back and the corners of her mouth twitched upward as he started purring.  “Cats don’t care.  They are who they are and they will be that regardless of the person.”

“Nicely put.”  Molly stood up, stretching his back and arms in a wide arc towards the sky.  “Cats know what they want and they want it now.”  He sat back down, his leg knocking against Fjord. “You’ve got to admire that drive, don’t you?” 

Fjord rolled his eyes.  “Sure. They also make my eyes itch and my nose stuff up like nothing else, so dogs win every time.”

“Ah well, a lost cause.”  Molly turned to Jester.  “What about you?  You’ve been uncharacteristically quiet during this little conversation.”

“Oh, well, kittens are cute and all, but I like dogs a lot more.  A good dog is all soft and loving and gives you big kisses.  And they have those cold wet noses.”  She squealed. “Oh, I love them so much.”

“Really?” said Beau, “I thought you’d be totally into cats.”

Jester’s eyes went wide.  “Oh no.  Cat sex is super creepy.  You can’t look at cats the same way once you know.”

“I know I’m going to regret this, but what makes it creepy?”

Fjord face palmed and groaned.  “Really, Beau?”

“Cat dicks,” Jester held up a finger and waved it around.  “Have spines all over them that hook into the girl cat.  Super painful.  Frumpkin over there has a tiny barbwire dick.”

Beau grimaced and made a gagging noise.  “Oh god, that’s even worse than normal straight sex.”  She shifted away from Frumpkin.  “Ugh. Ugh!”

“Barbwire dick.”  Kiri was looking down with concern at Frumpkin, curled up in her lap.

“Oh.  Oh!” said Jester, “But I’m sure Frumpkin is different.  Right, Caleb?  He’s special.”

“ _Ja_ , that’s right.  He is a fae cat.”  He furrowed his brow.  “I’m sure what you said is not true about him.”

Disbelieving looks were traded across the campfire.

Jester rushed over and gave Kiri a big hug.  “Hear that, Kiri?  No barbwire dick!”

“No barbwire dick!”

**Author's Note:**

> I am also [bboiseux on tumblr](https://bboiseux.tumblr.com/).
> 
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